#24
Postpartum Mind and Body 2
From a man's point of viewpostpartum crisis
In the last issue of Postpartum Crisis, I mentioned that it is a couple's problem to have a postpartum crisis.
The content of the report was that women become emotionally unstable due to hormonal imbalance after childbirth, and even small things irritate them, resulting in a rapid deterioration of their marital relationship.
In the previous article, we examined the postpartum crisis from the woman's point of view, and this time we would like to examine the postpartum crisis from the man's point of view.
After the birth of the baby, the husband's side of the family seems to feel that his wife's personality has suddenly changed. He feels that his wife was so kind and not so angry, but why?
But consider this. This series「 #02 Endure ambiguity 」As I mentioned in my previous article, when a woman becomes pregnant, she lives with anxiety for 10 months. This feeling of anxiety makes the woman prepared and she grows to feel that no matter what happens, she will raise the child well, no matter what. She becomes stronger both physically and mentally, and she clearly recognizes the responsibility of having a child and various other important things.
Before you had children, you may have tried to be a good wife and take care of your husband in a worthwhile way. Even though she was working, she would have tried her best to do all the household chores. This may have made things easier for her husband.
However, when it comes time to have a child and start life with a baby, mothers work so hard to raise their children that all their attention is on them, and they do not have time to take care of their husbands as they used to.
If I expect a lot from my wife as I did before we had children, it is not possible.
But husbands who want you to do the same thing may lash out with such comments as, “What's more important, me or the kids!” or other such outbursts. In other words, the husband needs to grow up to be a man and a father, but he does not know how to do it or what opportunities are available to him.
After giving birth, a wife's most important thing is her child, of course. She is determined to protect her child no matter what! She is determined to protect her child, no matter what happens.
A whole new life with a cute familyIt's only natural that the couple's relationship would change as well.
Many years ago, a female celebrity divorced her husband, a baseball player, about a year after giving birth. I once showed up on a morning show to comment on it. Was this a postpartum crisis? That's what it was.
She discovered that her husband had cheated on her while she was pregnant. The wife was divorced as quickly as possible.
The husband raised something like, “My wife doesn't take care of me” as a reason.
I think it is truly a postpartum crisis. The man I had married with such excitement in my heart was such a childish man! I think this is what became clear to me.
In my opinion, it is very important for a man (husband) to be able to take care of himself at least. Men who have lived alone can take care of themselves to some extent, but if they have been taken care of by their mothers at home and then got married, they are not able to do anything.
When you get out of the bath, your underwear and pajamas are prepared for you, and before you go to work, they take care that you have not forgotten your handkerchief and various other things they used to do for you, but when you live alone, you have to do everything yourself. You will have to know where your pants are in the drawer, how to wash and fold your clothes, how to vacuum the house, and that is just one step toward independence.
I suspect that those who cannot or do not want to be independent are creating other women besides their wives.
So what should we do about this situation? The husband thinks he has to do something for the children and tries his best, but the wife won't let the new father do it, saying he is not good at it or that it would be faster if she did it herself. The husband is trying his best to do something, but the wife says he is not good at it or that it would be faster if she did it herself, and he gets angry and says he will not do anything. The wife is usually dissatisfied with the husband's lack of cooperation, but complains when he is asked to do something.
No one is good at everything from the beginning. It takes many times to get good at something, so be a little patient and ask them to do it over and over again.
And husbands should listen to what their wives have to say about their day and their daily lives.
It is the moms and dads who can understand the most about even the smallest changes in their children. Moms want to talk about their day, even if it's just a little thing, and they want to be happy together. It is husbands more than anyone else who want to be happy together.
Also, as a husband, listen carefully to your wife about what she wants you to do for her and what things are most difficult for you. Wives feel more comfortable just by listening to you.
The wife's body and mind have changed in many ways since giving birth. Her body shape, appearance, behavior, and even her brain have changed. Please accept this fact. There may be times when she refuses to have sex. But even when you do, please be open-minded and tolerant of the fact that this is how you feel right now.
Childbirth brings a whole new round of life changes with the addition of a cute new family member. It is natural for the couple's relationship to change along with it. If you can build a relationship where you are not stuck in the past thinking, “This is not how it was supposed to be,” but rather, by being involved, by taking an active role in raising the child, by being partners in the fun times, and by helping, supporting, and counseling each other during difficult times, you will be able to overcome the postpartum crisis.
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Updated on the 2nd and 4th Thursday of each month
Next time... Thursday, November 14, 2024 Update
Enjoy!
Midwife Yoko Nambu
After graduating from Tokyo Medical and Dental University School of Nursing and obtaining a national nursing license, and graduating from the Japanese Red Cross School of Midwifery and obtaining a national midwifery license, she worked as a midwife in the obstetrics and gynecology ward of Tokyo Medical and Dental University Hospital, attending over 300 births and picking up babies. After that, she established "Toraube Inc.", a consultation office mainly for women's body. As a woman's ally, she provides consultation for problems at all ages. She believes that women should understand their own body as their own. She believes that this will lead to the solution of all problems and deals with them on a daily basis.
Her hobbies include traveling with her husband, listening to movies and music, and playing healthy mahjong.
What I want you to know from my experience
supporting many mothers as a midwife.
Blog where midwives attend to the anxieties many moms and dads have about raising their children
