#59
Work and Childcare 2
While doing a perfect jobIt’s impossible to do my best at both parenting and work
As I discussed in “ #15 Work and Parenting, ” released on June 13, 2024, this time as well I would like to think about balancing work and parenting.
Let me say this right away: it is impossible to do a perfect job at work, work the
same way as everyone else in order to gain a higher position, and also give your
all to parenting.
However, there are exceptions, depending on how it is done.
I know two people who managed both perfectly.
One was a manager at a foreign-owned company. I never saw her take time off work because she had children or because she did not have enough time. When necessary, she worked late into the night.
The other was a female doctor who ran her own clinic. She worked at the clinic from morning to evening and attended every required meeting.
What these two had in common was that, from the time their children were very young, they had hired someone to act as a mother figure and left almost all of the child-rearing to that person. Since the children had been raised by that person from an early age, being cared for by her had become completely normal to them.
However, even in order to create that kind of environment, they first had to have their families understand that work would take priority, and more importantly, it cost an enormous amount of money.
It seems they hired this mother figure from morning until evening, and after that they employed a babysitter until they themselves came home.
The manager at the foreign-owned company said, “I spent more than my salary on child-rearing.” I could feel her strong determination to keep working and continue fulfilling a leadership role, even at that cost.
Strictly speaking, though, they were not handling both on their own.
In any case, I believe these kinds of examples are exceptions among exceptions, and that these two are very rare indeed.
What’s important for both work and parentingGet by during this period without making things clear
The most difficult stage of parenting is probably when a child is between 0 and 3 years old.
Those who are able to take one year of childcare leave are truly fortunate. They get to stay with their child for an entire year. However, there may not be that many people now who are able to take a full year of childcare leave.
Some people may find themselves in a situation where they have to return to work after only six months.
I have written below what I would like to say to all of you.
《 Do not try to do it all alone 》
This seems to be common among Japanese people, but many try to handle everything on their own.
Even when it is painful, they keep pushing themselves to do it alone. They think that relying on others means “I am not trying hard enough,” and so they do their best to handle everything.
Please understand that parenting is not something a person can do alone.
In the past, grandparents, relatives, and neighbors all took part in raising children. That was simply how things were done. But now, unless the mother speaks up, no one comes to help. There is no need to feel guilty about getting help from others with parenting, and you should lean on the people around you more.
《 There is no single correct way to parent 》
At work, mistakes and correct answers show up clearly in the results, but in parenting, there are no mistakes or correct answers. Of course, doing something that puts a baby’s life at risk is out of the question, but there seem to be many mothers who earnestly want to find the right answer and raise their children accordingly.
However, no matter how hard they search, they will not find one correct answer. When they cannot find it, they blame themselves and begin to feel, Am I not raising my child properly? Am I unfit to be a mother?!
Then, in trying even harder to find the right answer, they end up struggling online and spending even more time on it.
Instead of spending your time that way, please look carefully at the child right in front of you.
The most important thing is your own child’s growth. If your child is drinking breast milk or formula every day, sleeping well, eliminating normally, and generally in a good mood, then your child is growing properly.
There may be days when your baby does not drink breast milk or formula. There may be times when they do not have a bowel movement for several days. There may be nights when they wake up in the middle of the night. But look at your baby. They are lively and in a good mood, are they not?
That is what parenting is like. There are no set rules, and it is something very ambiguous. Even if you exchange information with another mother you have met and try to copy what she does, it is not likely to work.
The only thing you can do is find a way of parenting that suits your own child.
《 It is impossible to give 100 percent to both work and parenting 》
As mentioned earlier, unless you are in a very special environment, I have to say that it is impossible to do both at 100 percent.
You may not be able to work the way you did before pregnancy, but raising a child will likely change how you view your work and the people around you.
Precisely because you have time constraints, it is necessary to discuss your work style and job responsibilities with your supervisor. It may also become an opportunity for you to think about what you want to do with your career going forward.
Maintaining sufficient communication with your supervisor and gaining their understanding is the first step in creating an environment where you can continue to work with peace of mind.
《 Housework also requires ingenuity 》
What is important in housework is deciding what should take priority and getting by with the bare minimum. If you try to do this and that and everything else, you may overextend yourself and end up damaging your health.
Nowadays there are all sorts of convenient appliances and services such as online grocery delivery. Use them as much as possible. It is also a good idea to discuss daily parenting and housework routines with your partner and divide the responsibilities.
《 Get support from those around you 》
Sometimes you push yourself too hard, your health suffers, and you become unable to take your child to and from daycare.
It is important not to carry everything alone, but instead to talk with your parents, friends, senior coworkers, and others so they understand your current situation and so that you can prepare in advance.
You should also keep options such as family support centers and babysitters in mind.
I can fully understand the feeling of wanting to work hard at both parenting and work and successfully balance the two.
However, if you push yourself too hard and end up in a state where your body cannot take it anymore, then everything will have been for nothing.
Valuing your baby’s daily rhythm and your own, and getting through this period without seeing everything in black and white but instead allowing some ambiguity, is something important for both work and parenting.
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Next time... Thursday, April 23, 2026 Update
Enjoy!
Midwife Yoko Nambu
After graduating from Tokyo Medical and Dental University School of Nursing and obtaining a national nursing license, and graduating from the Japanese Red Cross School of Midwifery and obtaining a national midwifery license, she worked as a midwife in the obstetrics and gynecology ward of Tokyo Medical and Dental University Hospital, attending over 300 births and picking up babies. After that, she established "Toraube Inc.", a consultation office mainly for women's body. As a woman's ally, she provides consultation for problems at all ages. She believes that women should understand their own body as their own. She believes that this will lead to the solution of all problems and deals with them on a daily basis.
Her hobbies include traveling with her husband, listening to movies and music, and playing healthy mahjong.
What I want you to know from my experience
supporting many mothers as a midwife.
Blog where midwives attend to the anxieties many moms and dads have about raising their children
